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THE HUMOR OF MELVIN DURAI
HOW TO DRAW MUHAMMAD <http://nshima.com/2015/01/14/how-to-draw-muhammad/>
It has become apparent, following the deadly attack on the French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo, that many people are unsure of the rules governing the depiction of Prophet Muhammad. The magazine, for example, published cartoons that portrayed Muhammad in a variety of unbecoming poses, including one in which he’s not wearing clothes and another in which he’s passionately kissing a Charlie Hebdo cartoonist, the two men in a lip lock with drool running down their chins. You do not have to be a Muslim to look at such cartoons and say, “Oh no! That’s terrible!
Is kissing even allowed in Islam?”
To bring a little clarity to this issue, I decided to interview Imam Ali Khatami of Iran.
Me: “Thank you for agreeing to shed some light on this important topic. Let me begin by asking you whether kissing is permitted in Islam.”
Imam: “Yes, of course it is permitted.”
Me: “So I may kiss you?”
Imam: “You are a man, I am a man. No, we cannot kiss.”
Me: “May I kiss you on the cheek?”
Imam: “I would prefer that you do not.”
Me: “But you just told me that kissing is permitted.”
Imam: “Yes, it is permitted. But you must first get a permit.”
Me: “How do I get a kissing permit?”
Imam: “You must apply for one. The religious leaders will do a background check and determine whether you are responsible enough to kiss.”
Me: “So it is like a gun permit?”
Imam: “Yes, but you have to be more careful whom you kiss than whom you shoot.”
Me: “If I get a permit, can I kiss you?”
Imam: “I would prefer that you do not.”
Me: “Why not? It would just be a friendly kiss. Man to man, brother to brother.”
Imam: “This type of kissing is generally not permitted. If you must kiss, you must do it only after marriage.”
Me: “So we must get married first?”
Imam: “Yes. … I mean, no. Of course not.”
Me: “Would it be permissible for me to draw a picture of Muhammad kissing?”
Imam: “The Prophet Muhammad?”
Me: “Yes, can I draw a picture of him kissing?”
Imam: “No, it is forbidden to draw pictures of the Prophet. You will be severely punished. “
Me: “Any picture?”
Imam: “Yes, any picture. Drawings and paintings of the Prophet are forbidden.”
Me: “What if I draw a picture of Muhammad playing soccer and scoring a goal for Iran in the World Cup? How would you feel about that?”
Imam: “Prophet Muhammad playing football for Iran? One hundred lashes.”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Imam: “You would get 100 lashes on your backside with a whip. And you should consider yourself lucky. If you had drawn him playing for Israel, it would be 1,000 lashes.”
Me: “What about a drawing of Muhammad kissing the Quran?”
Imam: “The Quran? If he is kissing the Quran, then maybe only 10 lashes. But if he is kissing the Bible or the Torah, 10,000 lashes!”
Me: “What about a drawing of Muhammad kissing a man with saliva coming out of their mouths?”
Imam: “A drawing of Prophet Muhammad kissing … kissing …
I cannot even say such a thing.”
Me: “What would happen to me if I draw it?”
Imam (stern-faced): “Well, it would be the last thing you draw.”
Me: “You mean … you would take all my pencils away from me?”
Imam: “Not just your pencils. Your hands too.”
Me (shuddering): “My hands?”
Imam: “Yes, we would take them off.”
Me: “But it’s just a drawing. A harmless drawing.”
Imam: “A drawing of Prophet Muhammad kissing … I cannot even say it … is not harmless. It hurts the eyes of every Muslim.”
Me: “The world has almost seven billion people. How can you keep all those people from drawing Muhammad and exercising their freedom of speech?”
Imam: “It would be very hard. That is why we agree with western countries on one thing: the best policy, when it comes to people exercising their freedom of speech, is a hands-off policy.”
Me: “Are there any tips you would give me if I want to draw Muhammad without any clothes?”
Imam (stern-faced): “Without any clothes? … Yes, I have two tips. The first tip is to get a permit.’”
Me: “A drawing permit?”
Imam: “No, a kissing permit.”
Me: “Why do I need a kissing permit?”
Imam: “So you can follow the second tip: kiss all your family and friends goodbye.”
(c) Copyright 2015 Melvin Durai. All Rights Reserved. <a href=” http://MelvinDurai.com “>MelvinDurai.com</a>
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There are any number of Fiberals in India (Sagarika Ghose, Kavita Krishnan, Rana Ayyub, Barkha Dutt etc) whose love and concern for the good treatment of terrorists often overflows. We have also known many to file appeals for mercy or for clemency. I therefore thought reproducing this letter would help bring these Fiberals a great deal of relief in their aim to provide proper care of “misguided elements” who carry out acts of terrorism:
A Canadian female libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the Canadian government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities. She demanded a response to her letter correspondence. She received back the following reply:
National Defense Headquarters
M Gen George R. Pearkes Bldg., 15 NT
101 Colonel By Drive
Ottawa , ON K1A 0K2
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian Forces who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities. Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa. You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself; we are creating a new department here at the Department of National Defense, to be called ‘Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers‘ program, or L.A.R.K. for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint! It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommend in your letter. Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his ‘attitudinal problem’ will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.
We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.’ Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. Please advise any Jewish friends, neighbors or relatives as your house guest might get agitated or even violent, but we are sure you can reason with him. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a sub human form of property thereby having no rights, including refusal of his sexual demands. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will “recommend” as more appropriate attire. I’m sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over time. Just remember that it is all part of ‘respecting his culture and religious beliefs’ as described in your letter.
Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man. You take good care of Ahmed and remember we’ll be watching.
Good luck and God bless you.
Minister of National Defense
PS: This letter is a hoax and not real but it provides enough food for thought for the Fiberals should they wish to take on such responsibilities.
‘हो गई है पीर पर्वत-सी पिघलनी चाहिए
इस हिमालय से कोई गंगा निकलनी चाहिए
आज यह दीवार, परदों की तरह हिलने लगी,
शर्त लेकिन थी कि ये बुनियाद हिलनी चाहिए
हर सड़क पर, हर गली में, हर नगर, हर गाँव में,
हाथ लहराते हुए हर लाश चलनी चाहिए
सिर्फ हंगामा खड़ा करना मेरा मकसद नहीं,
सारी कोशिश है कि ये सूरत बदलनी चाहिए
मेरे सीने में नहीं तो तेरे सीने में सही,
हो कहीं भी आग, लेकिन आग जलनी चाहिए’
हिंदी कवि ह्रदय सम्राट– दुष्यंत कुमार
Update (Jan 30, ‘2015) :
just refer to this news from tribune, if girls were getting some kind of stipend or scholarship for going to school until the age of 18 this illegal marriage might not have happened.
Original idea/suggestion starts here :
People in INDIA are obsessed with a male heir ( even if they do not possess any assets ).
This is one of the main reasons people go for sex determination tests and if it is expected to be a girl, some people ( exceptions are always there ) do not hesitate for a moment to get the abortion done ( notwithstanding the physical and emotional burden the mother to be has to endure ).
Now this has created a situation where there are not enough girls of marriageable age for the marriageable boys, this in turn creates various societal problems ( this is for another discussion ).
Today I want to discuss about encouraging girl child, meaning society as a whole supports birth, rearing and education of the girl and parents also fully support it.
As Government is spending on so many social causes like MNREGA, MID-day meal, OLD-Age pensions, scholarships for minorities, scholarships for poor gifted students etc.
This will help in encouraging the girl child ( as they will be able to demand their rights because govt is providing funds for them ) and parents will not consider girls as burden. Also this will help in reducing the population as people will be encouraged to delay having babies late in their life.
Wife versus mistress
But it is still a man’s world
Ten men are not chasing a single woman — as was anticipated after the drastic fall in the number of baby girls born over the last decade. The worst-case- scenario painted by the demographers may still be some time away. So far it is the same old wife versus mistress story, retold in the communist yet capitalist Republic of China, where a typical wife in the fastest growing economy is unhappy sharing the wallet of her husband with his mistress. Apart from sharing the conjugal rights! Despite the enviable economic growth achieved by both sexes, the social matrix still seems to be in favour of men — as they continue to enjoy the affections of the two – the wife and the mistress, both vying for the men in power. Keeping mistresses had always been the prerogative of the rich and powerful and China seems to be no exception. The anti-mistress association founded by Liu Zhixian, who failed to persuade her husband to abandon his mistress is now seeking to provide an online platform to other distressed sisters, to share the agonies of wifehood.
The chances of mistresses creating a similar platform may be thin due to social stigma attached to their status. The Chinese sisters would do well if they learnt a thing about Indian law, which, by a recent intervention of the apex court, recognised the live-in relationship as legal and also allowed a woman who has lived in a relationship for a considerable amount of time benefits of maintenance under Section 125 of the Cr P C. After all, in a global village things travel fast, and China is not far.
They may also get some solace from the fact that in India it is not only the weaker sex that suffers from such agonies of spouse betrayal, in a rare example of gender equality this country launched a forum created by harassed husbands, christened hypocritically as ‘Save India Family Foundation’, with branches in 50 cities of 20 states and an enviable following by the battered men. Ms Zhixian and the wives club could also draw some succour from the fact that many American counsellors suggest extra- marital relationship to save a marriage. Their marriage is on solid ground — going by these parameters.
Link Here :
land in police station
Fatehabad, October 18
Due to a skewed sex ratio in this part of the country, getting brides for youths has become a tedious job, particularly for those belonging to economically weaker sections and having lesser landholdings.
“Procuring” brides for a premium is common practice in villages and smaller towns due to the availability of a lesser number of girls as compared to the boys.
In one such incident, a quarrel over the payment of an agreed amount to a “go-between” at Ratia town landed the ‘baratis’ as well as the bride in the police station on Sunday, where the matter was resolved after a lot of persuasion by the police.
The incident occurred in a marriage palace on Tohana Road of Ratia town, when the bride refused to go with the bridegroom after the Anand Karaj ceremonies, until his family paid the agreed amount to her widowed mother and a “go-between”, who negotiated the “deal” for the marriage.
The bridegroom’s father, Kuldeep Singh, a resident of Nikuana village of the district, said he had “struck a deal” with a mediator, Gurmeet Singh, for the marriage of his son, Jaskirat Singh, with Komal, daughter of a widow, Paramjit Kaur, a resident of Nehar Colony at Ratia.
He said under the deal, he had agreed to pay Rs 30,000 each to the bride’s mother as well as the mediators, Gurmeet Singh and two others, including a woman.
A quarrel erupted when the bridegroom party tried to leave for their village along with the bride and the mediators refused to allow them to take away the girl till their money was paid.
The mediators took away the car’s ignition key and called the police for intervention in the matter.
Kuldeep Singh said he had already paid Rs 30,000 to the girl’s mother and would pay the mediators’ “fee”, when the girl settled in their house for a few days.
The matter was later resolved in the police station, when the bridegroom’s father, Kuldeep Singh, gave a written undertaking that he would pay the money on October 24, when his family would host a party in the village to celebrate the marriage.
While the incident points towards the difficulties villagers are facing for finding brides for their marriageable youths, it also reveals that in some societies, even a reverse dowry system has started due to scarcity of marriageable girls.
Link Here :